Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Lawn

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

Friday, March 30, 2012

The Drunk

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Rump Steak

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wednesdays Question

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question: Name something that makes your blood boil?

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A Millionaire...

My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.

I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

'No,' she answered.

Monday, March 26, 2012

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

The Economy

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Even people who have nothing to do with the Obama administration aren't paying their taxes.

Hotwheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Silly Sunday

Are you funny? If so, please join in at Silly Sunday, co-hosted by Rhonda of Laugh Quotes and Sandee of Comedy Plus. Rhonda is on a big adventure traveling the world until December 2, 2012. For more information about Silly Sunday click HERE.

The rules are simple:

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Dear Abby...

Dear Abby,

I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.

The usual signs; phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, just some friends from work, you don't know them.

Friday, March 23, 2012

Political Quotes

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. ~Henry Cate, VII

We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. ~Aesop

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these acceptance speeches there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. ~Will Rogers

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."

"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.'"

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Wednesdays Question

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question: Are you a people person, or are you more of a loner?

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65.

The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"

The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

Hat tip: Dave and Linda from Alabama

Monday, March 19, 2012

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Mississippi

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

Sunday, March 18, 2012

Silly Sunday

Are you funny? If so, please join in at Silly Sunday, hosted by Rhonda of Laugh Quotes.

Silly Sunday is your chance to share a favorite joke, silly picture, funny quote, amusing anecdote, creative comic or anything which made you smile today – and get a bit more traffic to your blog.

The rules are simple:

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Friday, March 16, 2012

Bubba and Lulu

This is the completed Story Game of "Bubba and Lulu" that you all did an outstanding job in authoring.

Bubba and Lulu have been together for many years and Bubba is starting to break earth shattering wind by the day to Lulu's distaste. After incessant insisting from Lulu, that he see a doctor about it, Bubba reluctantly sat on the examination table waiting to hear the results. The doctor turned to Bubba, shook his head and said, "Can you tell me when you are most likely to have these spells?"

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Wednesdays Question

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question: Are you a risk taker or do you play it safe?

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Alabama

A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.

"Where's Henry?" the others asked.

Monday, March 12, 2012

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Occupy Mentality

"I'll run over and pick up our welfare check, then drop by the university to see what's holding up my federal education grant, meanwhile you go to the free clinic to check on your scabies and pick up my new glasses, and then we will meet at the federal building at noon for the mass picketing of the stinking establishment."

Hat tip: Nick M.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Silly Sunday

Are you funny? If so, please join in at Silly Sunday, hosted by Rhonda of Laugh Quotes.

Silly Sunday is your chance to share a favorite joke, silly picture, funny quote, amusing anecdote, creative comic or anything which made you smile today – and get a bit more traffic to your blog.

The rules are simple:

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Men are Happier

Why Men are Happier than Women

We know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
We can open all our own jars.
We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Men are Happier

Why Men are Happier than Women

We keep our last name.
The garage is all ours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
We can be president.

Thursday, March 8, 2012

The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. In a few days I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want. If someone derails the story will one of you put it back on track? Thanks for playing along and have a great day.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Wednesdays Question

It's Wednesday so that means it's question time. There isn't a right or wrong answer to this question as everyone has different opinions on any given issue.

So here's this weeks question: Have you ever hurt someones feelings when you thought you were doing a good thing?

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Tap

A true story from the pages of the Manchester Evening Times.

Last Wednesday a passenger in a taxi heading for Salford Station leaned over to ask the driver a question and gently tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.

Monday, March 5, 2012

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. We've not played since December of last year, so we are long overdue.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Silly Sunday

Are you funny? If so, please join in at Silly Sunday, hosted by Rhonda of Laugh Quotes.

Silly Sunday is your chance to share a favorite joke, silly picture, funny quote, amusing anecdote, creative comic or anything which made you smile today – and get a bit more traffic to your blog.

The rules are simple:

Saturday, March 3, 2012

We Love You Whitey

Whitey has been sick for a very long time, and many of you have been praying for him and for his mom Barb of The Daily Gs. Whitey just couldn't stay any longer and went to the bridge. It's breaking my heart for both him and especially for Barb. Here's what Barb had to say:

Friday, March 2, 2012

Liverpool Football

The Liverpool manager flies to Kabul to watch a young Afghani play football. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the player to come over.

Two weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to Chelsea with only 20 minutes left. The manager gives the young Afghani striker the nod, and on he goes.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

That Floozie

After a busy day he settled down in his train from Waterloo for a nap as far as his destination at Winchester, when the chap sitting near him hauled out his mobile and started up:

"Hi darling it's Peter, I'm on the train - yes, I know it's the 6:30 not the 4:30 but I had a long meeting - no, not with that floozie from the typing pool, with the boss, no darling you're the only one in my life - yes, I'm sure, cross my heart."