Saturday, April 30, 2011

Lab Mice

At a weekend convention of biological scientists, Hannah, a researcher remarks to Pam, 'Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to lawyers for our experiments?'

'Really?' Pam replies, 'Why did you switch?'

'Well, for two reasons. First we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, and second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them.'

Friday, April 29, 2011

Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. We are on the boat, but most of you already know that.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Nuns

Four nuns were attending a baseball game. Four men were sitting directly behind them.

Because their habits were partially blocking the view, the men decided to badger the nuns hoping that they'd get annoyed enough to move to another area.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Health Message

If walking/cycling is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water and is fat.
A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
A tortoise doesn't run, does nothing... yet lives for 450 years.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday (WW) is a visual blogosphere phenomenon. Whereas blogs (web journals) are primarily about "words" bloggers love to dress their journal entries with imagery. WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that speaks for itself without using words.

The Audit

A woman walks past three men in the office who are all bemoaning the fact they are about to be audited during the coming month. Says the first guy with a groan, "I'm screwed!"

"I'm screwed, too!" says the other guy, slapping his forehead.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Identity Theft

BEWARE OF IDENTITY

THEFT THIS EASTER

Click on any photograph to biggify!

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Ohio

YOU MIGHT BE FROM OHIO IF...

1. You've had to switch from AC to heat, in the same day.

2. You end your sentences with unnecessary prepositions, such as: "Where's my coat at?"

Friday, April 22, 2011

New England

New England Temperature Conversion Chart

60° F: Southern Californians shiver uncontrollably. New Englanders sunbathe.

50° F: New Yorkers turn on the heat. People in New England plant gardens.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Florida

You know it's July in Florida when:

1. Hot water comes out of both taps.

2. You find out that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty nice branding iron.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Montana

The following list of rules applies to each person as they enter Montana.

1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road." I drive a pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Wordless Wednesday

Wordless Wednesday (WW) is a visual blogosphere phenomenon. Whereas blogs (web journals) are primarily about "words" bloggers love to dress their journal entries with imagery. WW is a simple blog post featuring a photo which conveys a message that speaks for itself without using words. However, there are no specific rules about WW posts so a few (and sometimes, many) words may accompany a photo or image that is the focus of a WW blog entry.

The Brothel

The madam opened the brothel door in Elko County, Nevada, and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.

'May I help you sir?', she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

The Salesmen

A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several cartons of new bibles that had never been opened and distributed.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Girlie Wisdom

One of the mysteries of life is that a two pound box of chocolates can make you gain five pounds.

The reason women over 50 don't have babies is because we would put them down and forget where we put them.

It's time to give up jogging for your health when your thighs keep rubbing together and starting your pants on fire.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The Next Generation

Who said children are getting dumber every year. Check out the wisecracks below and judge for yourselves...

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
CHARLOTTE: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?

Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Minister's Widow

There was a nice lady, a minister's widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was planning a week's vacation in California at Skylake Yosemite campground, but she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first. Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn't bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter.

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Windy Pops

Breakin Wind This is the completed Story Game of "Windy Pops" that you all did an outstanding job in authoring. The one thing that's always a constant in all these story games, is that someone always mentions cake. Enjoy your Story Game:

Spring is in the air and Mark's thoughts were turning towards love, but there was a problem... he was having a bout of windy pops. Windy pops is an old, little-known malady. The only way it can be treated is with a lot of finger pulling. Mark knew, from previous bouts of this dreaded malady, that it would be difficult to get the cooperation of many people.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The Power of Words

I found this wonderful video at The World of Silly Willy and Fluffy titled The Power of Words.

I was in awe at how powerful words really are. Enjoy the smile.

In linguistics, a word is the smallest element that may be uttered in isolation with semantic or pragmatic content (with literal or practical meaning).

Monday, April 11, 2011

Awww...Mondays

Join us every Monday for Awww...Mondays. Post a picture that makes you say Awww...and that's it.

Make sure you leave a link to your post here and I'll visit your Awww...Mondays post. What better why to start the week than with a smile.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Saint Peter

At the pearly gates again, a taxi driver and minister are waiting in line. St. Peter consults his list and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

St. Peter next greets the minister saying, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

Saturday, April 9, 2011

A Question

Recently I was ask the question below and it gave me pause. Wow what day would I want to relive again and why. At first I thought about a really fun day that I would like to relive again. Then I thought about making a wrong right. Then I thought about a day that perhaps I could change an outcome for the better. I thought long and hard.

Friday, April 8, 2011

The Story Game

It's time to play The Story Game again. Here's how it works. I'll start a story. You continue it in comments. Each commenter picks up where the last left off. In a few days I'll give it an ending and post our story with the links to everyone who participated under the heading, "Contributing Authors". You can play as many times as you want. Thanks for playing along and have a great day.

Here's the beginning of our new story: Spring is in the air and Mark's thoughts were turning towards love, but there was a problem ...

Thursday, April 7, 2011

I'm a Dog Lover

There are dog lovers. And then, there are dog lovers! Author of "Top Ten Signs You're A Dog Lover" is Sniff Seattle Dog Walkers

10 – Most days you have a “glistening” on your face from dried doggy kisses.

9 – You haven’t seen your own doctor in years. But the vet? Last week!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

About Walking

The Importance of Walking

Walking can add minutes to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $7000 per month.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

Monday, April 4, 2011

Sex After Death?

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death.

Their biggest fear was that there was no after-life at all.

After a long life together, the husband was the first to die.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Comment Game

It's time to play the comment game again. We are still on the boat, but will be heading home sometime today.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why. When you have done that you do two new words or phrases for the next commenter to choose from. Feel free to come back as often as you like. Just have fun. If someone derails the game will one of you put it back on track? Thanks.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

The Anniversary

George and Carol decided to celebrate their 55th Wedding Anniversary with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the MGM Hotel/Casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt became very friendly. George brushed her off.

Carol objected, "George, that young woman was nice, and you were so rude."

Friday, April 1, 2011

Cats and Baths

I've had lots of cats over the years and one thing that I never did was try to give them a bath. Here's just a few reasons why bathing a cat just didn't appeal to me.

You've got to admit that these will make you chuckle, or at least smile. Have a terrific day and a great weekend ahead. It's off to the boat for us.