Tuesday, September 30, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Did You Know? - Part I

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run for president and over fifty for Miss America?

Monday, September 29, 2008

Food for Thought


Every sixty seconds you spend angry, upset or mad, is a full minute of happiness you'll never get back.


Today's Message of the Day is:

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Words of Wisdom

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby.

If you give her a house, she'll give you a home.

If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal.

Friday, September 26, 2008

The Mystery Dollar

Three guys in a hotel call room service and order two large pizzas. The delivery boy brings them up with a bill for exactly $30.00. Each guy gives him a $10.00 bill, and he leaves.

When he hands the $30.00 to the cashier, he is told a mistake was made. The bill was only $25.00, not $30.00. The cashier gives the delivery boy five $1.00 bills and tells him to take it back to the 3 guys who ordered the pizza.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Positive Outlook

I found this while making my rounds and thought it was funny. Hope you find the humor it in as well.

Open a new file in your computer.

Name it ‘Barack Obama’.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Love and Marriage

A husband and wife were sitting quietly in bed reading when the wife looks over at him and asks, “What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?”

“Definitely not!” her husband replies.

“Why not? Don’t you like being married?”

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

The Tilting Granny

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

Monday, September 22, 2008

The Blonde Cop

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a policewoman, who was also blond.

The blond officer asked to see the blonde driver's license.

She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

Sunday, September 21, 2008

RIP Energizer Bunny

Today the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred approximately 8:42 PM last evening.

Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going and going, “Pinkie” as he was known to his friends and family was alone at the time of his death. An emergency autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief Medical Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Headlines From The Year 2037 ~ Part II

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2040.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $22.85 and restricts mail delivery to Wednesdays only. In other news, postage for sending an email was reduced to $.75 cents.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.

Friday, September 19, 2008

Headlines From The Year 2037 ~ Part I

Couple petitions California court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslim dies in the American Territory of the Middle East (formerly known as Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria and Lebanon).

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Another Toy Recall

In the midst of one of the largest toy recalls in history, led by Mattel and millions of Chinese made toys (whatever happened to Made In America?) such as Barbie, Polly Pocket, the characters from the movie Cars and infant toys due to possible lead paint poisoning or swallowing small parts - we’ve got yet another scandal.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Women Only

With the increasingly high rate of attacks on women in secluded parking lots recently, especially during evening hours, the Minneapolis City Council has established a ‘Women Only’ parking lot at the Mall of America.

Even the parking lot attendants are exclusively female so that a comfortable and safe environment is created for patrons. Below is the first picture available of this world’s first women-only parking lot…

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

The Plan

In the Beginning was The Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And The Plan was completely without substance. And the darkness was upon the face of the workers.

"It is a crock of shit and it stinketh." And the workers went unto the Supervisors and sayeth, "It is a pail of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Frog

There was a 10 year old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.

He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door. When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted. He said, 'I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money and I'm not leaving until I do.'

Saturday, September 13, 2008

The Comment Game

I thought it would be fun and easy to play the comment game for the weekend. Everyone seems to enjoy this game and I so love some of the things you all come up with. So play nice and I'll see you Sunday.

Here's how it goes: I'll start the game off at the bottom of this post by choosing two words or phrases, like coffee or tea, and which ever one you prefer you choose. You can also explain why.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Never Forget...

I made this video last year and was awarded the Rising Blogger award.
I decided that I couldn't
outdo what I had already done,
so here is my tribute to all those souls that perished
that day and all the heroes that responded.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

After the Beep...

Do you need a new message on your answering machine? If so, here are some suggestions for you to consider...

Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

The General

As a crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a 5-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Pregnancy FAQ's

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Sunday, September 7, 2008

The Gift

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, “I bet I know what it is - it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Little Johnny

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing. Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly. “MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND…”

Friday, September 5, 2008

Valerie

The madam opened the brothel door in Cleveland and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. 'May I help you sir?' she asked.

'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Things We Keep...

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, work shirt and a hat; and Mom in a house dress, lawn mower in one hand, and dish-towel in the other. It was the time for fixing things: a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

This Week in Entrecard

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Go Fast Boat

This body of water is the deep water channel of the San Joaquin.
We often see huge freighters going up or down river.
Hubby caught one of the many 'go fast' boats this weekend.
Many of these go over 100 MPH.

The Blonde Mortician

A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.

The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

Monday, September 1, 2008

August Top Droppers

This is a great big thank you for last weeks advertisers. For those that I honor each week/month I'm well aware of the dedication you show. In order to stay in the top of the heap you're dropping EC every single day. Many of you have more than one blog and that's 300 drops per day per blog.

Why I'm Grateful

Mel of Attitude, the Ultimate Power has a fun site for posting what you are grateful for or complaining about anything and everything that makes you crazy. So, I decided that I would play along.

I don't really have much to complain about, but I certainly have many things that I am truly grateful for. The rules on how to play along are at the bottom of this post. Feel free to jump on board.

Links Around The World

Jersey of The Furry Diva tagged me with the "Links Around the World Tag" and I always try to keep Jersey happy so I'm going to play along . This is not only a lot of love, but you also get to meet new bloggers in the process.

Here's the rules:

More Link Love

Ann from A Nice Place In The Sun was thoughtful enough to add me to Priscilla Palmer's Personal Development List.

Here are the rules: Once you have added the list let Priscilla Palmer know. Add the list to your blog (here's an easy way to transfer the list to your site click here)